Barack Obama:

“One of the things that I have learned in Washington is you have to repeat yourself a lot because unfortunately it doesn’t penetrate.”

William James (1842-1910) The father of modern Psychology

Cops: Man had CDs in the front of pants, heroin in the back

SALEM, N.H. – A man who police say walked out of a K-Mart with 25-30 CDs stuffed down the front of his pants was also in possession of heroin at the time of his arrest on Saturday night.

Planet 51: Welcome to the planet of no pants

Technologically, the Planet 51-ians are stuck somewhere in the late 1950s. (The soundtrack’s first song is 1958’s Lollipop.) There are anachronisms, however. They’ve perfected the hovercars that have been stuck at the drawing-board stage on Earth these last 50 years. And, strangest of all, they don’t have pants.

Odds of wearing skinny pants in Mesquite ISD: slim to none

Seth Chamlee, a student at Kimbrough Middle School in Mesquite, found that out the hard way on Tuesday. School administrators gave him a choice: Go home, or trade his skin-tight skinny pants for slacks provided by the school.

The school’s dress code proscribes Dockers-style pants, no jeans. I’ve never seen any skin-tight Dockers, but I haven’t really looked, either.

Continuing:

He went home. And he’s going to stay there.

“We’re going to home schooling,” the boy’s mother, Cindy Pope, said Wednesday. “He can learn more without the distraction of what to wear.”

I’m all for home schooling, but this is a stupid reason. Seriously, what are the odds this kid will wear “skinny pants” while he home schools? I’m betting PJs or sweats…

Long time, no post. I blame myspace.

I hate that they use “trousers” rather than pants so much in this one, but it’s got to be the best pants-related news story I’ve seen so far:

Defective automatic trousers hurl pilot from plane

A Swedish pilot was flung out of his aircraft by a malfunctioning pair of hi-tech trousers, it has been revealed.

The incident, which took place last week, was reported in The Local yesterday. It seems the stick-jockey in question was a Swedish air force officer flying a Saab Gripen fighter.

Fighter pilots typically wear a “G-suit”, also known as “speed jeans”. This is a pair of special inflatable trousers which are automatically pumped up as G-forces build up in high-energy manoeuvres. The squeeze on the pilot’s legs prevents all his blood draining into them, which helps in avoiding blackouts or tunnel vision.

In this case, however, it appears that the automated expando-pants tragically malfunctioned, triggering the luckless birdman’s ejection seat and firing him violently out of the jet. The Gripen subsequently plunged to total destruction in a remote region, but the pilot parachuted to safety.

Baggy Pants Law Falls Short

Looks like a “no go” for a bill banning baggy pants in Florida schools.

Man pleads guilty to smuggling meth in cargo pants

An East Palo Alto man has pleaded guilty to charges that he tried to smuggle six bags containing nearly 3 pounds of methamphetamine in his cargo pants while trying to board a Hawaiian Airlines flight in San Jose.

Is that a baggie of meth in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?

Norwegian skydiver arrested for mooning cop

An arrest report says Vegard Svarstad was blocking traffic at a DeLand intersection early Saturday. When police Lieutenant David Heinig stopped at the intersection, he told Svarstad to continue across the street….Instead, Heinig says the man started to dance around, pulled down his pants and mooned the officer.

Really, I’m going to try to update this blog more often with these links. I also mean to write actual blog posts. If I don’t, it’s all the fault of myspace.

The victim told police he left the game shop where he worked to go to the bank at 9:30 a.m. May 12 when he saw two men inside a silver Chevrolet Cavalier parked beside his car.

As he tried to enter his vehicle, police said, one of the men shoved him inside, pointed a gun, uttered an obscenity and told him to remove his pants. The man threatened to shoot him because he wasn’t doing it fast enough, police said.

He yelled at the victim not to look at him and grabbed his pants, car keys, pocket knife, wallet, cell phone and $250 cash before fleeing, police said.

Not really newsy, but The adventures of Mr. Wiggly and the magic opossum pants

Dear reader, if you have been following the adventures of Mr. Wiggly to this point, we have seen two episodes without the appearance of the much lauded magic opossum pants. Let me assure you, in this episode, there will be magic opossum pants. Though it must be honestly mentioned, it might be sometime before Mr. Wiggly determines their use.

Drunk driver caught in car with pants down

A drunk driver was caught with his pants down after police spotted him making love to his girlfriend on the side of the road.

Next to nothing: Nundies offer a fashionable option

Tight jeans or other form-fitting pants have long left females with the same fashion Catch-22. Wear underwear so if you are in a car accident at least your mother would not be mortified, or go without underwear to eliminate those horrible panty lines which also do not make mama proud. A new product called Nundies is attempting to provide a solution.

Apopka Fire Chief Fired After Allegedly Dropping Pants

Apopka Chief Administrator Richard Anderson said Chief Randall Fernandez was relieved of duty, but Anderson would not elaborate about what happened.

Two witnesses said Fernandez dropped his pants in front of a crowd at Anderson’s retirement party.

Public fear using ‘disgusting’ toilets

New Zealand public loos can be so unsanitary that people would rather go in their pants than have to use them, an Otago University lecturer says.

They should use astronaut diapers.

Baby arrives so quickly he’s suddenly in mom’s pants

“It happened so fast,” Rebecca Johnson, 24, told the Daily Courier in Connellsville. “I didn’t know what happened until he was in my pant leg.”

I’d bet many women would love to have deliveries so pain-free that they missed them completely.

Man shot in robbery at barber shop, dies

A Birmingham man died Saturday after being shot earlier as he sat in a chair at a Center Point barber shop, authorities said.

A man with a gun entered Lil D’s Barber Shop at 1657 Center Point Road around 6:30 p.m. and ordered two patrons and the owner to remove their pants.

The victim, 40-year-old Jade Amos, was shot as he lifted the barbers’ covering to begin removing his pants, according to Jefferson County Sheriff Department spokesman Randy Christian.

A woman and a 5-year-old boy in the shop were not robbed or injured, Christian said.

The suspect, who wore a ski mask, a gray, hooded sweat jacket, a black shirt and black Dickies pants, was about 6′4″ and 18 to 20 years old, Christian said. After the shooting, the suspect gathered the pants and ran out.

I should really start posting, instead of commenting so much on other blogs. I’m so lazy.

White powder draws HAZMAT team to prison

A hazardous-operations team responded to Adams County prison Monday after two corrections officers discovered white powder on their pants and had slight breathing problems.

Man beaten in anti-gay bias attack in Hoboken

Two thugs beat up a man after leaving the PATH station in Hoboken in what police are calling an anti-gay bias attack.

…

The men, police say, taunted the victim, a 21-year-old Bayonne resident, for wearing pink pants, and then followed him out of the train just after 4:30 a.m. Friday and pummeled him. He needed 12 stitches to his face, reports said.

Autistic Child Comes Home With Soiled Pants

Lori Culbertson says last Tuesday when her seven-year-old son, Landon, came home from school she noticed an odor and saw his pants were soiled. Culbertson called the principal at Tekoppel Elementary and she told Culbertson she didn’t know about the accident.

Gator backer files charges against Pants
PANTS SAYS IT DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG.

More than 3,500 students voted on the first day of Student Government Spring elections Tuesday as the two competing parties campaigned for students’ votes.

…

However, a Gator Party supporter and former Swamp Party senator, John Clayton Brett, filed a cease-and-desist order against the Pants Party.

Police: Man, 32, pulled down teen girl’s pants in Mahopac pizzeria

MAHOPAC FALLS – A 32-year-old Dutchess County man was arrested after he grabbed a teenage girl and pulled down her pants in a local pizzeria, police said today.